Have you ever wondered why rejection hurts so very badly? What is it about being rejected that makes us want to just disappear, make it all go away, and just stop the hurting?
Turns out, the pain of rejection may have its roots in our days living in tribes. At that time, no one could survive being on their own – our tribes served as our lifeline. If we were ostracized from the tribe, that meant certain death. So being rejected essentially was a death sentence. This meant that you were much more apt to change your ways to avoid rejection and so remain a member of the tribe.
Suffering rejection also damages how we view ourselves and makes us act out in anger. We no longer belong, and so much of our identity and humanity is tied up in belonging.
One of the reasons it’s so hard to get over being rejected is that it usually creates a response where we become incredibly critical of ourselves. When we get into that negative mindset, it becomes very easy to begin negative self-talk, over-react to other criticisms (real or imagined), and start a negative downward spiral.
There is a lot we can do to stave off the worst of the feelings when rejection hits. We just need to be aware of how we’re thinking, feeling, acting, and reacting.
1. Say no to negativity!
Whether it’s your own negative self-talk, or thoughts you’re having during your day, tell yourself that you will stop dealing with yourself negatively. Every time you find yourself having a negative thought, or self-talk, acknowledge that you had the thought with no judgment. (I.e. saying to yourself, You’re so stupid for talking to yourself negatively does no good.) Now, turn the negative thought around into a positive one. This takes some practice, but isn’t difficult at all, because nearly every single situation has a silver lining if you look hard enough.
One of the best ways to boost your self-worth after a rejection is to take part in doing things you love, and that you’re really good at. Whether it is art, sports, or playing with your kids…if you’re good at it, then do it. This will really help you negate the feelings of rejection because you’ll be feeling so good about what you’re doing!
3. Go get social!
Go out and be around people you like, who like you back. This, too, will help minimize those bad feelings of rejection, because you’ll have proof that you’re likable and that people enjoy being around you.
Pick up my guide to developing and creating a Success Mindset. When you work on your self worth and your success mindset or growth mindset, then you see your life transformed. You have the power to take control, you can survive rejection and thrive. It is a decision, even though it does not feel like one.
Pick up the guide HERE